8 Common Couples Fights During Wedding Planning—and How to Resolve Them Gracefully

If you’re waist-deep in wedding planning, the odds are everyone’s emotions are heightened. With the pressure to pull of the perfect celebration and the ever-growing to-do list, it’s all too easy for even the most harmonious of couples to find themselves in arguments. Factor in the opinions of parents, in-laws and friends, and it’s no surprise that tension is sure to follow. Whether it’s a partner who’s checked out, a mother-in-law who takes over, or scheduling conflicts with some of the most important people in your wedding party—it’s common to encounter a few bumps.

Happily, most disputes are manageable before they turn into something worse. Here, wedding experts reveal the most typical fights that may arise when wedding planning, and how you can find solutions and stay on the same page.

Money Matters

Weddings are expensive, and it’s no secret that financial strain is a leading source of planning stress. Budget-grade debates about overspending and who pays for what are common issues that tend to take over sessions with couples, says Dr. Kate Sandler, a clinical psychologist.

“To ensure you avoid conflicts about cash, sit down with your partner — and anyone else who’s chipping in — to discuss a reasonable budget,” she says. It will force the two of you to figure out what’s most important to you and to compromise. If money from parents and in-laws are in the mix, make clear the control they will have over spending decisions.

Traditions in Conflict With the Family

Whether walking down the aisle with a parent or wearing your great-grandmother’s tiara, traditions often have deep meaning — but they can stir up tension when your instincts run in a different direction. This is particularly the case if the family who is helping to finance the wedding has certain customs they feel should be respected.

Talk with your family about it early. Let them in on your vision, ask for their input, and be ready to compromise. Perhaps you can mix the meaningful with the new.

Too Many Opinions

If there’s one thing people love to have an opinion on, it’s weddings. And if you’re encountering unsolicited advice or pushback to your choices, it can be noisome.

Life coach Christine Agro recommends hitting pause before responding. “If someone is saying things that are bothering you, take a step back, take a breath and think,” she says. Try to interpret their motives — perhaps they are enthusiastic or attempting to save you from the pitfalls that did them in. Knowing the environment they operate in might help you react in a more considered way.

In-Law Interference

Another frequent source of conflict is friction with future in-laws. Varying expectations, boundaries and styles of communication can make making plans difficult. Whether you’re trying to keep the peace or feeling smothered by unsolicited advice, these tensions can escalate fast.

Agro suggests going into these conversations without too much of a charged energy and with respect. Accept the family politics and create boundaries. You might say, “I have thought about this day for so long and there are pieces of it that I would really love to take on myself” or, “Thank you so much for your support — what I would really love from you is if you could just take on this one thing.”

Guest List Battles

Who gets in and who doesn’t? It’s one of the most fraught moments in wedding planning. Hell, if you’ve got a wedding of 150+ people, you’re lucky if you have only a few sexatarian dust-ups as various factions vie for a spot in a limited guest list.Regardless of your reasons, it is not unusual for couples (and, if we’re honest here, their respective families) to lock horns over who makes the list and who doesn’t.

Figure out the most you can invite first. Next, split the number evenly between the two families. Tell your parents or in-laws upfront what your limits are and you can give specific limits and compromise on numbers of invitations.

Divorce Plans for the Big Day

Perhaps you’ve always dreamed of exchanging vows under twinkling stars while your partner envisions a sleek downtown space. The differing visions of what the wedding would be like can cause big blowouts.

Dr. Sandler recommends an open, pressure-free discussion about your priorities and wish-list specifics. You may find that your partner is pretty attached to a certain place, but open to hearing you out about style or timing. Meet each other halfway.

Uneven Planning Workload

One partner taking all the initiative while the other flounders? That’s a formula for resentment. If one of you is doing all the caring, and the other just goes, “whatever you want,” that resentment can add up.

List all of the tasks, and spotlight what both of you care most about. And then assign out responsibilities per interest and availability. Perhaps one person is in charge of music and the other handles decor. Balance is key.

Clashing Schedules

In the midst of careers, errands and, well, life, it can be tough to come together for planning. Scheduling issues can cause arguments over who is doing what and when work will be completed.

Consider dividing the tasks so you can both tackle things in your own time. Your partner may handle the rehearsal dinner plans that morning, for example, while you stop by the florist that evening. Set aside time as though it were any other significant appointment for those big decisions.

How to Win Wedding-Planning Fights

Besides the tips above for some of the most common conflicts it is worth keeping in mind a couple of golden rules on managing wedding planning stress:

Communicate Constantly

Psychotherapist Nic Hardy stresses the importance of continuous communication. “There is no resentment built up from not feeling like you can have open dialogue,” he says. Touch base often, even when there’s no particular purpose on the agenda.

Maintain Balance

You don’t have to plan everything. Maintain your pastimes, see your friends and give yourself some air to breathe. The stress will have a downward shift and you will bring more perspective to every decision.

Focus on the Big Picture

It’s easy to get caught up in the small stuff, but don’t forget: your wedding is only one day. Your relationship is the most important thing. When tempers flare, ask yourself, “Will this matter a year from now?” Re-focus on your long-term partnership which can help defuse short-term drama.

As you might have heard, planning a wedding is not always smooth sailing — but with teamwork, honesty, and empathy, it doesn’t have to tear you apart.