10 Honest Reasons Your Wedding Guests Might Decline the Invitation

Sending off your wedding invitations is major. Once their in the mail, you and your partner probably start counting down the days until those RSVPs start rolling in. Whether your guests are RSVPing through your wedding website or returning the old-fashioned cards in the mail, odds are you’re anxious to see who is coming to your party. But as you scan the responses, it can be dispiriting to see more nos than you’d anticipated.

You’re entitled to feel a bit bruised. But for event planner Marcus Fields, founder of Lumina Events, it’s about putting things into perspective. “Breathe and remind yourself what this day is for,” he advises. “Your wedding is about celebrating love with the people who actually matter. The ones who can make it will be there for you, and the ones who can’t probably have really good reason. That’s on them, not you.”

Instead of turning your attention to the “no” answers, Fields says to center your energy on the people who will be there. “You won’t remember a year from now who didn’t show up,” he says. “The love will exceed the emptiness of the room.”

Etiquette coach Elise Grant also warns against asking why someone declined. “It’s not your business to ask, and half the time the reason has nothing to do with you,” she says. “If they want to share what the reason is, they will, and it will be on their terms.”

Here are 10 reasons why you might receive a “no” RSVP to your wedding — and why no doesn’t necessarily mean no forever.

Travel Isn’t Feasible

And for some, travel isn't always doable, even if your destination is only a plane ride away or a few hours’ drive. Financial considerations, work responsibilities, or other caregiving duties might render even your nearest and dearest unable to show up.

A Scheduling Conflict

Summer and fall are full of events, from vacations to school-related commitments. If your wedding date happens to be a conflict with another big event — another wedding, a family reunion or even a business trip — it is possible that guests will have to decline, and sometimes, your day does not win.

No Available Childcare

Are you having an adults-only wedding? That’s totally your call. But for guest with young children, landing a room without a crib can be a deal-breaker—particularly if they have to travel and can’t find childcare. As Grant puts it, “The memory is often not unwilling, but the flesh is weak.”

The Costs Are Too High

“The costs have been getting really high —the flights, the hotels, the gifts, the attire,” Fields says. In the last few years, the average cost to attend a wedding as a guest has skyrocketed, leaving many wondering how they could possibly justify it. This can be even more impactful for people asked to attend several different weddings in a single season.

No Plus-One Included

If you didn’t give some guests a plus-one — for reasons of keeping within your budget or limited space, say — some might decline. “For many, going to a wedding solo can be scary, and possibly even dangerous,” Grant says. “You need to be O.K. with them saying no if they’re not feeling comfortable going solo.”

They Don’t Know You Well

Occasionally, the list of invitees comprises distant acquaintances — your father’s colleague, a friend’s new flame, a former classmate. If they don’t feel emotional about you or the occasion, they may rather skip it. It’s not rude—it’s practical.

It Was a Late Invite

Wedding invitations should traditionally be distributed six to eight weeks before the big day. If your guests receive your invite with little advance notice, they may not be able to rearrange their schedule, book travel or make other plans necessary to attend.

They Are Unable to Make the RSVP Date

Schedules are great and all, but life, as they say, has other plans. If anyone doesn’t know their schedule yet, or is waiting on logistics (childcare, finances, etc.), they might have to say no — especially if you’re firm with the RSVP deadline.

They are Going Through Something

A personal crisis, be it a breakup, job loss, health crisis or grief, can make it next to impossible to attend a wedding. If someone close to you says they can’t make it because they’re going through something hard, the best thing you can do is give them your hand.

They Just Don’t Want To Go

That can smart, but it’s usually not personal. “Some people don’t like big social events,” Grant says. “Between issues such as anxiety, dietary restrictions or accessibility, large gatherings can be overwhelming.” Everyone connects in their own way — and that’s fine.