Do You Really Need a Bachelorette Party?

A bachelorette party crammed with games, decorations and presents may be a delightful moment prior to the big day — but it’s not something that everyone has a good time doing. There’s a long and storied tradition behind these events, yet some folks can still feel (undue) pressure to throw one — if for no other reason than to keep family or friends satisfied. But do you really need a bachelorette party? The short answer: No way.

While these parties are frequently viewed as a “rite of passage,” there’s no hard and fast rule that dictates that you must have one — especially if the idea doesn’t align with your personality or style.

A Look Back: The History of Bachelorette Parties

Bachelorette parties as we know them have been around in some form or another for over 100 years. “They started in the 19th century as a way for an intimate group of friends and family to ‘shower’ the guest of honor with love and gifts,” says etiquette expert Eliza Monroe of Belle Society. These would typically hostess events where the bride-to-be would be taught about what to expect in married life, some sage advice, a few house-hold basics, & a good chuckle or two.

Today, the style is different. Today, many parties are about less about household items and more about fun, bonding, and self-expression. “Now it’s really about celebrating the person in a way that feels vibrant and substantial,” Monroe says. “We are no longer expected to dress in a certain way and there are no more societal constraints — for today’s events, dress as you wish and have fun.”

Do You Have to Have a Bachelorette Party?

The simple answer is no. If, however, you don’t feel like having a bachelorette party — whether due to lack of budget, lack of time, or a lack of interest — you absolutely should not be made to feel guilty. “These events are not obligatory,” Monroe says. “It comes down to what feels real. Nobody should feel coerced to extrapolate on a party that they feel nervous about.”

If you are trying to turn down someone who is excited to plan a bash in your honor, Monroe recommends being straightforward yet gentle: “It's about being grateful and honest. Perhaps you could say, ‘Thank you so much but I don’t need anything, I just want us to keep things simple. Perhaps we could meet up for something more low-key? ”

5 Fun alternatives to the typical Bachelorette Party

If you don’t want to have the standard day full of gaming and gift exchanging, however, there are plenty of other ways to celebrate. Here are five inventive substitutes:

Host a Joint Celebration

Celebrate the event with your partner along with all of your besties. A casual brunch or game night with both sides of your social circle can be just as significant, says Monroe. “It takes the pressure off and it looks at shared memories as opposed to tradition.”

Plan an Experience

Instead of making the party all about the gifts, plan an activity – such as a pottery class, a spa day, a cooking workshop. “Experiences also provide a wonderful opportunity to bond and create fun, lifelong memories,” Monroe continues.

Add in the Culture

If you are already familiar with the Native American Indian culture and you are a part of this community (not just involved in some aspect of it), then there are many ways that you can incorporate this into the wedding.

Celebrate your cultural heritage, with a dash of glam. “That might mean a tea ceremony, or a henna night, or a traditional family dinner, but any which way, it’s a lovely homage to where you’ve come from,” says Modern Moments event planner Ava Castillo.

Hit the Road

Forget the tried and true party: Plan a getaway — and that travel can take any form, from a weekend at the beach to a quick hike with your favorite people. “Go relaxed or adventurous, depending on your vibe,” Monroe says. “It’s about making a thing that feels like a you thing.”

Throw a Cocktail Party

Go for a cocktail night Instead of the regular games show. “It’s tasteful, playful and fully customizable,” declares Monroe. “Signature drinks, good music and great company can make it as memorable as any cookie-cutter party.”

Final Thoughts

Whether you opt for a big bash or a low-key affair — or eschewe the whole thing — your bachelorette experience is all about what makes you happy. There is no one right way to celebrate this chapter in your life. Make it about you, make it fun, and, above all, Make It Your Own.