7 Warning Signs That You’re Being a Difficult Bridesmaid (and How to Change It)

Being asked to be a bridesmaid is about so much more than looking pretty and celebrating with champagne; it’s a commitment to stand at your friend’s side as she makes one of the biggest decisions of her life. But with the best of intentions, it’s also shockingly easy to create stress you haven’t realized.

From the incessant complaining to the opinions pushed and decisions turned into a group debate, these behaviors can flip you from helpful to headache in a heartbeat. No fear — no one wants to be that bridesmaid, and not being the one that’s difficult is perfectly possible. Here are seven subtle signs to look out for — and what to do instead.

You’re Always Complaining

The color of the dress is not flattering. The bachelorette trip destination is not your scene. The bridal shower is on a weekend you had hoped for some downtime. Sound familiar? You’re entitled to your opinions but constantly expressing disappointment — especially to the bride, whose innocent idea this might have been and who’d love nothing more than to have the blessing of all those taking part — can drain her of her joy and ramp up her anxiety.

What to do instead: Vent (if you have to) to a neutral party (a close friend or your partner — but not the bride). Think happy thoughts and, don’t forget, this isn’t about you and your personal tastes, it’s about being there for your friend.

You’re Arguing Too Strongly For Your Opinions

Perhaps you feel strongly about sort of hairstyles there should be or color of table decor. That’s okay — until you begin to insert those opinions into what seems like every conversational nook and cranny. If you’re constantly telling her how to do things or that things she chose aren’t _ enough, then you might just be stressing her out more.

What to do instead: When asked for your input, say your piece. And if you do express thoughts, present them as gentle suggestions, never as demands. If you value what the bride has dreamed for her nuptials, judge her by what she wants and not by what you would want.

You're Making A Mountain Out Of A Molehill

Weddings have a way of mixing people from different circles — which means different personalities. Yet feuding with other bridesmaids or causing drama during the planning process takes the focus from the bride’s happiness.

What to do instead: The answer is in the question: Maintain civility. If there’s an issue, address it in a quiet, grown-up way — not in front of the bride. Your role is to support the festive atmosphere.

You're Not Following Through

To offer to help with the shower or bring cupcakes to the planning meeting, and then forget about it (read: ghost), and force the bride to re-envision her plans or others to scramble.

What to do instead: Only agree to what you can actually take on. Stay organized, remind, and follow through. One of my favorite gifts from you to the bride is your reliability.

You're Not Taking Initiative

If you’re texting the bride to consult her on every little decision — which playlist to go with, what color of ribbon to choose — you’re probably adding to, not easing, her stress. Brides certainly have enough to deal with.

What to do instead: Own responsibilities that are put in your charge. Decide smaller things and save the bride’s brain space for bigger things.

You're Ignoring Her Budget

Insisting on a luxury spa weekend or selecting pricey accessories the bride didn’t sign off on can create actual financial anxiety. She may be budgeting wisely — or trying to keep things affordable for other members of the group.

What You Should Do Instead: Be considerate of the bride’s budget topline. Discover thoughtful, creative alternatives that cater to her goals without draining your savings.

You're Making It About You

It’s one thing to want to look good — it’s another to dictate your hair, request solo photos or be a pouty puss about where you’re seated. Once your demands take precedence over the bride’s, you have overstepped.

What to do instead: Keep an open mind. Be gracious, even when garments don’t fit exactly as you would like them to. Another tool for our arsenal while we attend the most beautiful people’s weddings for all we know So let the bride have her day — we mean spotlight.

Final Thoughts

Bridesmaids are more than matching dresses and party planning, they’re who show up with love, kindness and support. With a check in on yourself and a focus on being a calm, helpful presence, you won’t just be shoring up a friendship — you’ll also be helping the celebration to be as joyous as it can.