7 Essential Rules for Taking a Break in a Relationship

It’s a leap when you take a break from a relationship. On the other hand, it can be a chance for growth and reflection, or an indication that the relationship may be coming to an end. A break, regardless of the outcome, can provide time to regain perspective — but only if you approach it with clear communication and mutual understanding.

“A break in a relationship will only be good if both people go into it with intention and complete honesty,” says relationship coach Dana Whitmore. “Time apart is to help refine what your needs are and to have clarity around how your current relationship is (or isn’t) meeting those needs,” said Dr. Nelson.

Here are seven key rules to follow if you and your partner are thinking of taking a break:

Make Sure Break Has a Purpose

First of all, have the humanity to be honest with yourself. Why are you currently needing space? Not sure if you’re right for the long term? Do you feel more interconnected or more invisible? Decide whether this is a temporary challenge or something more fundamental. If the problem is not negotiable and similar to conflicting life goals, it may be a better idea to break up.

“Do not take a break to test your partner or to avoid a difficult conversation,” says Whitmore. "Do it to reflect and reset."

Have a Real Talk Face to Face

Don’t begin your break over text or a hurried call. Pick a time to talk face to face so that you can both feel heard and understood. Observing one another’s body language can clarify emotional tone, and encourage honesty.

“Establishing why the break will occur is setting the tone for trust and respect,” says Monica Rivers, a therapist. Pile all your cards on the table.”

Share Explicit Rules and Expectations

A break without limits can result in mixed messages and pain. Discuss what you each want out of this time apart. During the interval chat? Can you each date other people? How will you divide shared responsibilities such as pets or housing?

Setting the definitions of these words will go a long way in preventing any unnecessary confusion and put both partners on track for something that can be productive.

Establish If You Will Date Other People

If you want to date other people in your time apart, make sure you’re both on the same page. It is a two-handed decision, not one-handed. “Talk about kinds of boundaries and how comfortable you feel,” says Whitmore. “This can be a particularly sore spot if you’re married or have children.”

If you are leaning toward a long-term separation, hold off on new relationships until you have gained full clarity and closure.

Establish a Timeframe

Open-ended breaks are all too often breakups by the back door. Instead, establish your own timeline that feels good for the two of you — maybe it’s two weeks or 30 days. The object is to ponder, not to procrastinate forever.

“When that time frame is up, then that’s your time to reassess your relationship,” Rivers said. “Be honest about how you’re doing and how things might’ve changed for you on that front.

Use the Time Wisely

This is your moment to reclaim your singular self. Revisit old hobbies, reach out to old friends, or just take space to ponder. One of the major pluses about a well-executed break is that it’s conducive to self-discovery.

You may get lonely — that’s natural. But don’t go running back to your relationship just to fill that hole. Ask yourself whether you feel better — happier, more fulfilled — when alone versus when together.

Consider Professional Support

If the break only raises more questions, consider seeing a therapist. “You can have a seasoned relationship counselor guide you through communication, emotional clarity, and joint decisions,” Whitmore says.

Even if you do get back together, therapy can help you work through those deep-seated issues that caused the break in the first place.

Final Thought

A break does not always have to be a bad thing: It can be either constructive or destructive. By being truthful, respectful and mindful, you give your relationship the best chance at expanding, whether that means moving forward together or parting ways with understanding.